Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
