woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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