I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
