Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and she was petting her beer can
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
