Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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