i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
