I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
tell me about the fingering
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