Umm I'm too high to move.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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