im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
