Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
