I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The best revenge is premature balding
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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