told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize