did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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