if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
even my farts smell like vagina
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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