I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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