false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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