Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
