I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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