Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize