I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
