kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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