Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
