I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
