I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
