dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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