oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
