FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
