Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
