Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
