Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All the doctor said was why
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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