Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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