Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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