I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
