it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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