I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
