He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
