Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
