Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
