do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
