Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
