Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
