I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How does it feel to date your dad?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
