Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think my mom watched the whole time
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
