So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
