I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
