I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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