Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
