Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
