never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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