I wanna passion pit in your ass
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
