Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
