If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
