I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
