I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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