I showed him my bush... on skype.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
