Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
