He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
