dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
