dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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