why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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