I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
