You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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