Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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