recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
