i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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